Tough Questions

This weekend Monica came up to visit me in the City.  The San Franciscan streets were full of thizzed out young people partying in the midst of downtown, celebrating the infamous yearly Love Fest.  The air was festive, yet a little too DUI-ish...affecting the mood of the urbanites.  And there we were.

Off we went into the City: downtown, the Tenderloin, the piers, past the Golden Gate bridge, it was all our turf for the day.  The miles we spent walking and bike riding eventually stole our calories, and our stomachs began calling.  Indian food; ahh yes, the delectable food of the Orient...spicy enough to make even the white man sweat (If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic).  So into the unknown we went - Punjabi, the local Indian "dive" restaurant - for some cheap, but delicious eats.  After getting our table, we sat there, tired, kinda dazed, waiting for the food.  My mind was sluggish from the long (but FUN!) day, and Moni asked me two challenging questions: "What do you love?" and "What makes you happy?"

I realized that since I have been in college, my life has been full of things that consume my time, my energy, my life.  From weed and beer, to hackie-sacking, to Marxist thought and study groups, to Ethnic/Asian American Studies, and then to church, life has been a whirlwind of busyness and bluriness.  I can't remember half of what I did or read, and I can barely remember what I ate for dinner yesterday, but the one thing I do remember is that my life has been consumed by all the wrong things.

So when she asked me those questions, I had to think twice.  I gave answers of "I love seeing people joyful and it makes me happy when other people are passionate ;" but what do I love outside of other people's loves and joys?  So as I thought about it more thoroughly, I now know what I love: 

I love GOD.  

I know this answer sounds super generic and cliche, but it's true.  I love God.  God is who I want to learn to love more and God is who will ultimately make me joyful.  The LORD will bring me pure joy; I know this in my heart although I may not always acknowledge it in my head.  Moni said she loves music and dancing.  That's fantastic!!  And I know that I have other loves and joys that I am still searching for and developing, but my love of God will bring me joyfulness; joy comes from love; love comes from God.

These are my thoughts, and this is my first blog (maybe ever).  So bear with me, peeps, and we shall share these journeys and thoughts together.  You can call me Paul, because that is my name and that was my transformation.  As my friend once exclaimed after seeing me for the first time in about five years, "So it's true!  Saul has become Paul!!"